


Just A Memory

by floweringrebel



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love Confessions, Surgery, post iwtb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floweringrebel/pseuds/floweringrebel
Summary: Mulder was in a car accident and needs surgery. Scully's there to help take care of him despite their break-up a year ago. Set sometime after IWTB.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48
Collections: X-Files Angst Fanfic Exchange (2020)





	Just A Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bumblebee1220](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumblebee1220/gifts).



> For Ann Marie. Thank you so much for your patience! I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to get it done. Life's been really hard lately. Anywho, I hope you enjoy!!!!
> 
> Prompt: Mulder is hurt and has to have surgery for some reason. Injury can be work related or not. Scully care for him during his ordeal. Mulder does not make it easy. He needs help with almost if not everything. 
> 
> Title is from the song: Just A Memory by Odesza ft. Regina Spektor. 
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes, not beta'd.

Mulder woke up, disoriented, and with a hand grasping his. He did not understand. He took a deep exhale, before allowing himself to open his eyes and look. “Scully. It’s Scully’s hand holding mine,” he thought to himself. “What is she doing here?”

“Mulder?” Scully asked with apprehension in her voice.

“Scully?” He cleared his throat before continuing, “What are you doing here?” Slight derision in his voice was evident. The pain was getting to him now.

“Mulder, you’ve been in a car accident!” Scully looked at him in disbelief. “Of course, I’m here!”

“Scully, you left me, remember? You had enough of my depressed ass.”

“Mulder, please. You know I still care about you and always will.” Scully squeezed his hand. “You’ll need someone to help you once you get discharged from the hospital.” She said matter of factly. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m your responsibility. You don’t have to take care of me, Scully. You shouldn’t have to, after all the sacrifices you’ve made over the years.”

“Mulder, shut up.” She smirked a little at saying that, clearly hoping to ease the tension a bit. “I know I don’t have to be here, but I want to make sure you’re okay, really okay after your surgery.” 

“I don’t want you to have to waste your time on me. You deserve more.” 

“I can make my own decisions, Mulder. I know what I want to spend my time on.” Scully’s eyes found his and at that moment, Mulder let out a deep breath that he had been holding. Relief shown in his eyes. Scully smiled a little at that. “I’m here for you and there’s nothing you can do about it. So, stop being stubborn and let me.” 

“You know, I’m as stubborn as a horse’s ass.”

“Yes, Mulder, I do.” She stood up then, letting go of his hand. The loss of warmth caused Mulder to frown. “I need to go home, pick up a few things before your surgery, do you need anything from your place? I can make the stop there. I remember where the spare key is.”

“No, I don’t need anything. Thanks.” Mulder moved to sit up a bit more, but winced in pain. 

Scully stopped gathering her things, to help Mulder up a bit. “You need to be more careful. You could pull some stitches. Please, press the nurse button for assistance while I’m gone.” 

****

_Scully was running away from me, I was running as fast as I could and still couldn't reach her. Whatever was chasing us vanished though, but Scully didn't let up._

_"SCULLLLLLLLLLAAAYYYY!!!!!" I screamed as loud as I could. No acknowledgement from Scully. I stopped then, watching her retreating form in front of me. And just like that, I was devoured._

Mulder startled awake. The dream dissipated quickly, but the emotions from it lingered. Scully got up from her chair near the hospital window, and moved to sit right next to Mulder on the doctor’s stool. “Are you in pain, Mulder?”

“No, I just had an awful dream, Scully. I’m fine.” Mulder could tell by the look in Scully’s eyes that she believed the words, but was wanting more.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Scully eyes were on Mulder’s, begging to know what had him all riled up enough to wake him up like that. Mulder looked away to regain his composure before locking his eyes back with hers. 

"I couldn't reach you and then I was eaten." Mulder saw the concern in Scully's eyes growing, he had to look away again. He couldn't bear to see her reinvest in him again, couldn't see her waste her life taking care of him. She deserved more than that. 

Scully took his right hand, caressing him with her thumb in the space between his thumb and pointer finger. "Mulder…" she paused, seemingly gathering her thoughts. "I'm here, Mulder. Look at me please." 

Mulder turned to his head and met her eyes.

"I'm here, right here, Mulder." Scully quietly pleaded. She grabbed ahold of his hand in hers and pulled it towards her lips but before she could kiss his hand, he pulled his hand away. Scully's eyes had defeat in them. She exhaled and leaned back a bit.

"Scully, you shouldn't be here. This is my predicament." Frustration was evident in his voice. 

Anger raised within her, "Why are you pushing me away again! You have surgery tomorrow, how are you going to recover alone? Make meals, go to the bathroom? You need me, Mulder!" 

"I'm not your patient," Mulder coldly replied. 

Scully silently stood up, she made the point not to look at him, and left the room without turning back. 

****

Mulder woke to the nurse, gently waking him up. "Are you ready for your knee surgery today?" 

"As ready as I can be." Truth was Mulder didn't want to do any of this. Not really. He couldn't see the point in any of it. However, he was already here and it wasn't like he was in any position to go against the flow. Plus, he didn't have the energy to. 

The nurse checked his vitals. "Everything's normal. You're good to go. Any questions?" 

Mulder shook his head. 

"Alright, then. I'll see you on the other side." She smiled at him before leaving the room. 

Mulder reached for the remote sitting beside him on the table. He turned the TV on, flipped through the channels, nothing, he turned it off. 

The orderlies wheeled in the stretcher a few moments later and Mulder felt relieved to be closer to unconsciousness. They lined up the stretcher right next to Mulder's hospital bed. One orderly, a dark skinned man in mint scrubs, who must've been in his early forties had crossed Mulder's arms in front of Mulder's chest, while another orderly, a petite Asian woman in her early thirties crossed Mulder's legs for him. The older white woman orderly was waiting patiently on the other side of his bed closest to the stretcher. She had a hold of the sliding board in her hands. As the other two rolled Mulder carefully on his side, she slid the board underneath him and the two orderlies rolled him back onto the board, making sure he's positioned in a way that his weight was equally distributed. On the count of three, the orderlies slid the board onto the stretcher with Mulder on top. Then, rolled him on his side again to remove the board. Mulder was grateful for the pain medications he'd been given. He imagined that move from bed to stretcher would've been a lot more uncomfortable and definitely more painful otherwise. He knew his body was still pretty fucked up. 

They wheeled him off to the surgical wing and finally to the OR. 

"Count to ten." Mulder's surgeon stated, while the anesthesiologist put the mask on his face. 

"One, two, three, four…" He drifted off into a deep slumber. 

*****

Mulder woke up disoriented again but this time the anesthesia was clouding his mind. He looked around the dark room, unsure of what day it was or even what time of day it was. Morning or night? He didn't know. He noticed someone was sitting in the chair near the window. 

"Scully?" He whispered. Scully didn't move or respond. She was apparently sound asleep. "It must be the middle of the night." He thought to himself. 

"How are you doing? Any pain we should know about?" The nurse spoke with such softness, but it still startled Mulder. He didn't expect to hear anyone. 

"I'm fine, just groggy. How long has she been here?" Mulder gestured at Scully, whispering as to not bother her sleeping form. 

"Oh, your wife? She's been here since you went under. We called her to let her know you were going into surgery finally. She made the request that we call her when she left the day before yesterday." 

Mulder was puzzled by the wife comment, but he didn't correct her because not only did he wish it were true, but he didn't want to place Scully in a position where she couldn't stay by his side through this, despite his belief that Scully deserved better than him. He nodded at the nurse. "What's your name again?" 

"Stephanie. Here, take this." She handed him a little paper cup with pills in it and a cup of water."Eat this too." She set a cup of cherry jello down on the table next to the bed. Mulder took the pills and drank all the water in one go. 

"Thanks, Stephanie." He smiled at her with a look of appreciation. Mulder started eating the jello and realized just how hungry he actually was. But alas, the jello was unfulfilling and Mulder knew he had to wait until morning for a real meal. At least, he had an appetite. He hadn't expected that. 

"No problem, it's my job after all. Speaking of, I gotta go check on the others. I hope you can sleep some more. It's the best way your body can recover. Goodnight." And with that, Stephanie had left the room. 

Mulder returned his gaze and attention to Scully. She looked so peaceful even though that position was surely uncomfortable. “She really is here, and I’m not dreaming, the nurse confirmed that. God, she’s so beautiful in the moonlight,” Mulder closed his eyes, hoping to catch some more sleep, but he was still seeing her as she was sleeping in the moonlight in his mind’s eye, “I hope Scully knows, really knows how I feel about her. I hope she sees through my stupidity.” He thought before sleep took over. 

*****

“Hey, you’re awake.” Scully cheerfully said. 

Mulder looked at her. “Apparently. How’d you sleep, Scully?”

“Well, Mulder, I’ve had better sleep, but I’m happy to be here.”

“You know you don’t have to stay here.”

“Mulder, please stop. I need to be here. I need to know if you’re okay, whether you like it or not. I’m going to be here.” Her voice was dripping with tired irritation.

“You deserve to be comfortable and to sleep well though. You shouldn’t be expected to take care of me. Especially after all the hell I put you through.”

“Mulder, you don’t get to do that! I made the decisions. You didn’t put me through hell. I have control over my life and I get to decide how I spend my time. No one else. Now please, quit this ‘I don’t deserve anything’ narrative because it’s exhausting and isn’t true, Mulder. It never was. You deserve to be cared for.”

“I don’t deserve you.” Mulder’s eyes were now focused on the floor. He couldn’t bear to see Scully nod in agreement or worse leave the room. He knew he was pushing her away, but he couldn’t help it. He knew in his heart that she deserved the world. And he was never one to have the world. He lived in such a narrow space with such tunnel vision that sometimes he couldn’t come up for air and he couldn’t have Scully stay in that space with him anymore. He understood why she had left before. He was even proud of her. Her strength never ceased to amaze him.

“Mulder.” She spoke sternly. “You were in a car accident. Do I really need to remind you of that fact? Do I really have to tell you I care about you deeply and always will? That you are irrevocably a part of my life? That...that I still love you?” Anger rose with every declaration. “I almost lost you. You could have died! You could have died and the last thing we ever did was fight. And now we’re still fighting, but at least, at least, there’s a possibility for more, Mulder. I don’t want us to be in the past. I want us to be in the present.”

Mulder was rendered speechless momentarily. He didn’t think that Scully would still love him. He didn’t understand why she would. He never changed, never had forgotten the past. He finally met her eye contact and saw the love and the anger beaming from her eyes back at him. “Scully, I’m-- I love you too. I’m sorry.” He mumbled out. “I love you so much, Scully. I really missed you too.” He said louder, more sure of himself. Scully walked over to him, leaned down to give him a kiss on the forehead, then she kissed him on his lips. Mulder deepened the kiss, wanting to feel her close to him. She moaned into his mouth, causing Mulder to move and groan in pain. Scully broke off the kiss, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just forgot that I’m still injured.” He laughed at himself. “I’ve missed kissing you, missed being that close to you, missed being carried away.” 

“Are you sure you didn’t really hurt yourself?” Scully’s face showed concern.

“I’m as sure as I can be on painkillers,” Mulder winked at her. “I need to not move and I’ll be fine. That’s not to say you have to stop kissing me.”

Scully gleamed at him, her smile was so bright, Mulder felt like he was looking at the sun. Scully leaned down to kiss him again and again and again and again. Short and quick kisses all over his face. She laughed. “That’s all for now, can’t have you hurting yourself again or pulling something.” 

*****

Two weeks had passed and it was finally time for Mulder to be discharged from the hospital. Mulder was so glad to be leaving. Finally. It would still be months before he could walk on his own but he couldn’t wait to be in his own home again. He was still prone to having thoughts that Scully shouldn’t be taking care of him, nor that she should love him like she does. However, he tried to push them far into the depths of his mind. He knew it wouldn’t help anything. And he clearly wasn’t convincing enough. Moreover, he wanted to be good enough for Scully and for their relationship. He decided he needed to prove himself. He could do this. 

They were still waiting on the final okay from the doctor before the discharge from the hospital. Stephanie let them know he was running late, surgery complications, so it could still be a few hours. 

*****

“Are you hungry, Mulder?” Scully asked as they got situated in her car. She helped him get settled in the front seat and she managed to fold the wheelchair and get it to fit in the backseat. “I was thinking of stopping at the grocery store, do you want to come with me or do you want to go home first and I’ll go after we get settled in?” 

“I could eat. I don’t mind waiting in the car while you shop.” 

“I was thinking you could shop with me too. It’s no trouble.”

“I think I would prefer just staying in the car, Scully.” Mulder didn’t mean to have a bite to his tone but there it was anyway. The idea of being wheeled around the grocery store felt infantilizing to him. He didn’t want to feel that way, but there it was. 

“Okay, Mulder.” Scully started the car and began driving to the nearest grocery store. 

Moments of silence passed between them. Scully pulled into the parking lot of the supermarket. She left the car wordlessly and Mulder didn’t say anything either. He started berating himself. Not letting himself get away with acting like that. He felt miserable, not able to see that Scully was graciously here for him. His new normal was very hard to get used to though, and he certainly knew he wasn’t handling it well. 

“Fuck!” Mulder blurted out. He knew his attitude was getting in the way of so much, but he also knew he couldn’t contain the anger he was feeling. Especially the anger at the loss of his autonomy and independence. "This is just temporary." He reminded himself. "Only temporary." He took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. Anger was still there, but he felt a small sense of calm fall over him. 

He saw Scully coming back, with the cart in front of her. She looked exhausted in the daylight, with dark circles under her eyes, her hair was disheveled and her clothes were the same ones he knew she had worn at least 3 days. She opted to stay by his side more often than not. She opened the trunk and placed the bags of groceries in there two at a time. She pushed the cart over to the receptacle and made her way back to the car. 

"I'm really sorry, Scully. You don't deserve that sort of thing." Mulder reached for her hand. She wrapped her fingers around his palm in response. "You've put me first for weeks and I'm still being an ass. You deserve so much better than me, honestly, Scully." He squeezed her hand. 

"Mulder," she paused for a moment. Her tone indicated that she didn't agree with him on that last part. "I deserve to be with someone I love. I love you." Tears started falling. "Why can't you believe that? Believe in us? You believe in so much and yet this is what you question? You deserve love, Mulder." 

"I've been a complete failure for a few years now and I've let you down countless times. I just see you, and you are simply worth a lot more. There was a reason you left--"

"And there was a reason I came back. I've missed you. The ache in my heart never left. Without you, there was a huge void. The day I saw you in that hospital bed alive, the pieces that were missing started accumulating, filling in the void again. Each day you were healing from your accident, so was I, Mulder. My broken heart was finally on the mend. I'm choosing you. There couldn't have been anyone else for me. So please stop thinking so low of yourself, you've always been someone I could feel safe with and someone I could trust. Someone who sought out justice and the truth for anyone who needed that. Furthermore, you're my constant, even apart, I thought of you. Actually I couldn't get you out of my head. In those thoughts, as much as I missed you, I still felt comforted by you." She leaned in closer to his face and went in for a gentle kiss on his lips. "Now let's get home." 

Mulder was rendered speechless, his heart full, he smiled so big teeth were showing and he nodded. Scully quickly gave him another kiss before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. Finally he found his voice again, "I do believe in us and with time I'll believe in myself, but knowing you, you won't let me doubt myself for too long. I love you." 

The sun was starting to set, the golden light making their faces glow. Mulder and Scully were starting to face their new journey. The day may have been coming to an end, but here they were starting a new beginning together.


End file.
